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However, Bridgette Napolitano, of Ms. Pelosi's staff did return our call. "Look," she said. "All along we've been saying that Nancy is too DUMB to be a traitor. This story proves it. Just yesterday we had to take Nancy to the emergency room of the George Washington University Hospital because she stuck a finger in her eye when she tried to pick her nose."
In a related matter, the law firm of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe has filed a $550,000,000 class action law suit against Ms. Pelosi claiming "mental anguish" on behalf of all men who thought they were enjoying Ms.Georgina Spelvin's on the screen only to find it was actually Ms. Nancy Pelosi. A trial date has not been set.
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Stieghorst said he's not going to let one medieval attack in his living room interfere with his viewing choices, though he might buy some headphones.
For a while there, people were lining up to give Van Iveren a medal for trying to stop a possible rape with a rapier. But we still haven't heard an explanation of why he waited nine hours to unsheathe his weapon. The dueling came long after the drooling.
According to Stieghorst, the movie ended at 2:30 a.m. and the rescuer didn't show up until 11:30 a.m., demanding to know where he was hiding the woman.
And the police, after a careful viewing of the evidence, did detect some female screaming in the motion picture but found that the sex appeared to be consensual.